Like Water Lost in the Sea
by middlecyclone
Summary: Literati. The follow-up to my Literati fic: A Merciful Save. "His beating heart, bloody and thumping so quickly...carefully pinned to the sleeve of his thin, navy blue jacket."
1. Chapter 1

**Like Water Lost in the Sea**

Jess shoves his hands into the pockets of his black jeans.  
It is September. It is a bit cold for September.  
Like God left the window open all night.  
_Am I forgetting anything? _  
_I have my keys. My phone. My bag. My books.  
I turned the coffeepot off. I locked the door._

He is standing on the front stoop of his Philadelphia brownstone; the tree in front of him, its leaves burning, burning bright fiery orange and red and yellow. It is almost noon. He made himself wait until noon.  
_Eleven forty-five. That's almost noon.  
It takes me about four hours to get to Stars Hollow.  
I don't want to get there before she's there.  
I want her to be there when I get there._  
He grabs the mail out of the mailbox. There is a plain brown package.  
It is addressed to Jess Lucas Mariano.  
He immediately recognizes her handwriting.  
He's suddenly warmer.  
He smiles.  
_I'll open it in the car._  
A black Honda five-speed, that's what he drives now. It's nice enough. And it doesn't backfire. Basically, he sorta loves it.  
_What is this? _  
He opens the package.  
There's a mix CD. There's a brand new tube of chapstick with a post-it stuck to it.  
_"Because I accidentally stole yours :)"_ it reads.

There's a short note written on yellow legal pad paper.  
_ Hey Jess. I made you this mix and hopefully your Philly -- Stars Hollow drive will be a little more fun. I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked...because they didn't have good music to listen to on their mini road trips. I cannot wait to see you. Can you tell I wrote this while I was bouncing up and down? Well, I practically am. You have my heart. Love, Rory. PS: Yes, I know I forgot to include the track list. It's more fun that way right?_

He puts the chapstick in his pocket and the CD in the CD player and starts the car.  
The first song?  
"Here Comes Your Man" by the Pixies.  
Soon, he is on the highway.  
He is driving and driving.  
He smokes.  
_Maybe I should quit?  
Maybe I should quit for Rory?  
I'd prettymuch do anything for Rory._  
_We'll see._  
I-95 North. En route to Stars Hollow, Connecticut.  
His beating heart, bloody and thumping so quickly...carefully pinned to the sleeve of his thin, navy blue jacket.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Then there is Liz Phair. "Guns of Brixton" by the Clash. Muddy Waters. "Gigantic" by the Pixies. The _Fraggle Rock_ theme song. Sam Cooke. The Rolling Stones. XTC. The Shins. PJ Harvey. Maria Callas.  
_I love this._  
Jess is driving with the windows down.  
Halfway to Stars Hollow.  
"What the fuck is a Stars Hollow?" one of his buddies had asked him last week when he'd mentioned it.  
"It's this little town in Connecticut. I used to live there. My girlfriend lives there." he said.  
_I mean, she is my girlfriend. Right? _  
"Well, y'know, Rory? And my uncle Luke lives there too," he said.  
"Oh," his buddy said.  
"But I mean..._What the fuck is a Stars Hollow?_" I like that...they should put that on the t-shirts. It's catchy," Jess laughed.

The past weeks had been fairly uneventful. He worked, went out some...but not too much.  
He ran into Tessa at the coffeeshop downtown.  
"You're an asshole," she said plainly.  
He didn't say anything back. Just looked at her.  
"Well aren't you gonna say anything?" she asked.  
"I'm sorry. And I guess I don't have anything else to say...if I'm being honest. And I am...being honest. I am sorry," he said.  
"Well, okay," she said.  
They stood there awkwardly for some moments. She put sugar and cream in her coffee. Jess looked out of the window in front of them. Watched about a million birds land on the powerlines and take off all at once.  
He called Rory right after that. She didn't answer but he left her a voicemail.  
_"What book are you reading? I need some suggestions. Also, more than that...I miss you._

Liz had called. Talked about TJ for a minute. Talked about Doula.  
"I'm going to Stars Hollow..." Jess said.  
"You are?" she said back, as if he'd said he'd just booked a flight to Saturn.  
"Yeah. Rory and I are gonna hangout," he began.  
"Oh Oh Oh. This is it...I knew it. You two are gonna be together...my psychic told me that..."  
Jess smiled. It was ridiculous. She was always ridiculous. But it still made him smile.

He wrote some. Not much, but he wrote some.  
And also, he has something for Rory.  
A gift. It is wrapped in plain silver paper and sitting in the backseat of his car.

He was just minutes from the Stars Hollow exit now.  
_Shit. _  
_I am nervous.  
Why am I always so nervous still?_  
He is listening to the mix on repeat.  
He is smoking. He is thinking.  
His cellphone rings.  
"Jess?" says Rory.  
"Hey you," he says.  
"I should be in Stars Hollow in an hour or so. I'm sorry. I'm running late," she says.  
_Oh._  
"That's okay. I'll hang out at Luke's. Just come there," he says.  
"Are you nervous?" she asks.  
"I'm so nervous. What is that?" he says.  
"I am too!" she says.  
"I'll see you in just a bit," he says.  
Then he sees it.  
The familiar blue sign that reads Stars Hollow.  
_And wouldn't you know it...there's Taylor. Is he dusting off the freaking sign?  
Shit, man. Relax.  
And not just you. I need to relax too.  
Hey Taylor. I have a new slogan you can put on the sign.  
How about "What the fuck is Stars Hollow?"  
Catchy, right?  
Mull it over for a bit. Get back to me, Doose.  
Look for me. I'll be around._

He parks his car.  
He puts a book in his back pocket.  
_Anyone can have an amazing night. _  
He'd wrestled with that ever since the morning Rory left his apartment.  
_Maybe it was just a really amazing night and that's all.  
Maybe it is what it is.  
Rory and me.  
Us.  
Us?_

Luke greets him with a smile and a Hey and a hug.  
Babette hops up from her seat.  
"I gotta go tell Patty that Jess Mariano is back in Stars Hollow. She's gonna love this," she says, running out of the door.  
_Nothing changes here. I'd never say it out loud, but it's almost nice.  
Almost._  
The little bell dings. Jess turns to see Babette hurrying across the street towards Miss Patty's.  
"You better go upstairs and hide," Luke said, nodding up.  
"Best idea I've heard all day," Jess says, disappearing behind the curtain, up the stairs.

Upstairs, Jess remembers the almost-kiss that he and Rory had up there.  
_Holding hands.  
She was in her Chilton uniform.  
Almost untouchable.  
Precious.  
Fragile.  
That's why everyone thought I would break her.  
Did I?  
Maybe. Yes.  
Did she break me?  
Maybe. Yes._

He gets a Coke from the fridge.  
Sits down at the kitchen table.  
He hears someone else in the apartment.  
Lorelai walks into the kitchen.  
"Oh. Hey. Hey. Luke didn't tell me you were up here. I'm sorry," Jess says.  
"Hey Jess. It's okay. I was just leaving anyway. Did Luke tell you we were going fishing? I still hate it, but the boots are cute," she says quickly.  
"No, he didn't. Well, good luck," he says.  
_Don't fuck this up._  
"Rory told me you were gonna be in town. Well, welcome back," she says, heading towards the door.  
_Did she just smile at me? Maybe she doesn't hate me anymore. It was at least a sorta-smile._  
_Don't fuck this up._  
"Uh. Hey Lorelai. I want you to know...that I um, apologize for being such a little punk when I first moved here. I don't have any excuses for it, really. I was just a punk. A jerk. And I was rude and taciturn and difficult and I don't know. I just wanted to apologize. I really care about Rory. I love Rory..." he says, his voice trailing off.  
Lorelai stands there staring at him.  
_Is she gonna say anything?  
I shouldn't have said anything._  
"Wow. Just gimme a sec because I've never heard you talk that much. I think I'm reeling," she laughs. She puts her hand to her heart and smiles at him.  
"Yeah. Sorry about that too," he says.  
They are quiet.  
"Apology accepted, Jess. And thank you. I love Rory too. And I trust her. And I know how much she cares about you. And that stuff is forgotten. You were a kid. A punk kid...but still, a kid. And from what I've heard, you've grown up to be a great guy. So..." she says, her voice trailing off.  
"Okay. Well, thank you. And I promise not to talk that much again," he says.  
"Well, it was very nice. Totally freaked me out...but nice," she says.  
Jess reaches out to offer his hand for her to shake.  
She shakes it, but also hugs him.  
And he hugs her back.  
It is sweet. It is quick.  
_Whew._  
"Bye Jess," she says, waving.  
"Bye Lorelai," he says, putting his hands back into his pockets.

Rory is driving towards Stars Hollow.  
She made herself a copy of the mixCD she sent to Jess.  
Logan called her last week.  
_"Ace? Aaaace! Ace. It's Logan. The guy you wouldn't marry. Remember me? Of course you remember me..."_

It was random, it was weird.  
Not bad, just weird._  
I'm not gonna tell Jess.  
Should I tell Jess?  
I shouldn't tell Jess.  
It's not a big deal.  
Logan was drunk. He was just chatty.  
It's not a big deal.  
Jess will get jealous.  
And he doesn't need to be jealous.__  
Like, ever._

Jess reads for a bit.  
Reading.  
Drinking a Coke.  
He goes over to the window.  
_I could crack the window a little and smoke.  
I'm so bored.  
Luke won't care._  
He opens the window.  
Lights his cigarette.  
Looks down.  
He sees Rory.  
_Rory.  
She so cute.  
Oh.  
Who's she talking to?  
Dean. She's talking to Dean.  
You've gotta be fucking kidding me._

First impulses have Jess wanting to hammer down the stairs and run and confront them.  
_What the hell is this? I come all the way up here to spend some time with you...._  
Instead, he smokes.  
_I need to relax.  
It's cool.  
I don't have anything to be jealous of.  
Right?  
Right._  
He watches them talking.  
They don't talk for long.  
Dean smiles and waves and walks away.  
Rory adjusts the bag on her shoulder and heads inside the diner.  
Jess puts his cigarette out and closes the window and washes his hands.  
_Was that a knock?_  
He turns to see Rory's silhouette through the bubbled glass of the apartment door.  
_Rory.  
Jess._


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

"Hey," Jess says, opening the door for her.  
"Hey," Rory says.  
"Sorry I'm late," she says.  
"It's okay," he says.  
"Good," she says.  
He nods.  
They stand still. Not touching.

"Come here," he says quietly. So quietly.  
He practically says it into her mouth.  
They fumble to get the door closed.  
_Push it hard. Shh. Not too loud. Lock it. Lock the door._  
"I missed you. I missed you so much," she says. Her breath is heavy.  
_Touch me. I missed you touching me.  
I missed your hands all over me._  
"Come here," he says quietly. So quietly.  
_Come here.  
I'm coming.  
Come here._

They are on Jess' old bed.  
"Luke left your old bed up here," Rory says.  
"He's a good man," Jess says.  
"A smart guy," Rory says.  
"Totally a smart guy," Jess says.  
_Come here._

Rory is unbuckling his belt.  
_What if someone comes up here?  
No one's gonna come up here.  
Luke is gone. He left.  
I saw him and my mom drive away in his green truck.  
They're gone.  
This is crazy.  
Come here._

"My mom's gone. Luke's gone. They left," she says.  
She is underneath him.  
"Okay, good," Jess says inbetween kisses.  
_What if someone comes up here?  
No one's gonna come up here.  
I don't care if they come up here.  
They can fucking come up here if they want to.  
_  
_Come here._

"Jess?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Remember when you came to see me and kicked my ass about dropping out of Yale?"  
"Yeah," he says.  
Still kissing. Her mouth. Her cheek. Her neck.  
"Thank you. I never said Thank You. I should've said Thank You."  
"You're welcome," he says.  
Still kissing. Her mouth. Her cheek. Her neck

"Jess. Let's..."  
He stops for a moment.  
Looks at her.  
_My heart is beating so fast._

_My heart is beating so fast._

"Are you sure you want to?"_  
Yes._  
"I'm sure."  
"Are you sure?"  
_Yes._  
"I'm sure."  
"Here? Right here?"  
_Please._  
"Right here."  
_Please._

Jess pushes her skirt up around her waist.  
_There's nothing there because she's not wearing any.  
Is this what she does? Is this for me?_  
He is there.  
He can taste her.

Rory makes a noise he's never heard her make before.  
_There's nothing there because I'm not wearing any.  
This is for you._

_Come here._

His jeans end up in a pool on the floor at the foot of the bed.  
His boxer shorts too.

_What if someone comes up here?  
No one's gonna come up here.  
I don't care if they come up here.  
They can fucking come up here if they want to._

He is inside of her quickly. Like it's the only thing that ever mattered in the world.  
She gasps.  
_That soft warm place.  
Come here._

_Tongues.  
Hands.  
Mouths.  
Fuck._

Their breath is heavy and quick.  
_Are the windows fogging up?  
It's hot in here.  
It feels good in here.  
Is that rain?  
I think that's rain.  
Don't stop._

It is.  
It is raining.  
It is raining against the windows.

_It smells so good in here._

_What if someone comes up here?  
No one's gonna come up here.  
I don't care if they come up here.  
They can fucking come up here if they want to._

_Finally.  
Finally he is inside of me.  
Finally I am inside of her.  
How did I wait this long for this?_

_This._

_I like the sounds he makes.  
I've never heard him make these sounds before.  
Don't stop.  
_  
_Come here.  
I'm coming.  
Come here.  
Fuck.  
Come here.  
I'm here.  
I'm coming.  
I'm here.  
Don't stop._

He gently puts his hand over her mouth.  
_Not too loud.  
People are downstairs.  
We can't be too loud.  
Right, right. We can't be too loud.  
Jess.  
_

_Rory.  
I'm here._

And.

Once they are finished and he is on his back with his eyes closed.  
And she is on her side, looking at him.  
And smiling.  
She is half-covered with the blanket from the bed.  
He opens his eyes and reaches over to touch her hair.  
_This.  
I love you.  
I love you.  
We did this._

_I won't wash my hands._

"I'm hungry. Are you hungry?" he says. He smiles.  
"I'm hungry," she says. She smiles.

_It rained like this the last time we were together. _  
_I don't want it to stop.  
Please.  
Please don't stop._


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

There'd be no way of knowing how many times Jess had imagined being with Rory like this. The bed. Tangled sheets. Her taste still in his mouth.  
He is suddenly overwhelmed by it all.  
He is sitting off the side of the bed, tying his shoes back on.  
Rory is in the bathroom.  
_I'm freaking out. Why am I freaking out? _  
Part of him knows it is simply because he's never loved anyone like this before.  
Part of him doesn't want to admit that it freaks him out, but it does.

He tried to write it out of his bones.  
He tried to swallow it down with whiskey.  
He tried to blow it away with late night front stoop cigarettes.  
He tried to fuck it by making love to girls who weren't her.  
He tried to ignore it. But nothing worked.  
He'd never felt this way before.  
_I'm freaking out. Why am I freaking out?_

When she comes out of the bathroom, she sees the look on her face.  
_What? What's wrong?_  
"Are you okay?" she asks.  
_What? What's wrong?_

_Shit.  
I don't want to talk about this now. This is a bad time to talk about this.  
Don't do this to her.  
Don't get all possessive and needy right now.  
I want to tell her that I want to die when I think about life without her.  
I want to tell her that I can't even bring myself to think about the What If.  
What If She Doesn't Love Me Like I Love Her._

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm good. I'm happy. I'm hungry, but I'm happy. And I like your cheeks," he says, reaching out to touch her face.  
Her cheeks are flushed, hot and red-pink.  
She puts her hands to her face.  
"You looked sad. Or confused. I don't know which one," she says.  
"Well, I'm not," he says, kissing her quickly.  
"But if you were, you'd tell me?" she asks.  
"I'd tell you," he says.  
"Promise?" she says.  
"I'd tell you," he says.  
_I'd tell you later.  
Later, not now._

The rain is still falling. Not as hard as before, but still.  
_Luke's place is the same. Some of April's stuff is here.  
But it's still the same.  
Is that one of my books?  
I like it here. I like being here. I never thought I'd like being here this much._  
"I just feel like my head is spinning, that's all," he says.  
_To be honest, I just want to know if I can keep you.  
Can you be kept?  
Can I keep you?_  
_Will you give up on me?_

"Why? Because of this? This isn't want you wanted?" she asks.  
Her eyes are searching his.  
_Don't cry. Don't cry.  
I know that's not what he meant.  
That's not what I meant!_

"Rory, this is exactly what I wanted." he says.  
_I'm afraid of losing you and I'm not even sure I have you yet.  
Do I have you? Did I? Can I?_

Rory puts her hands in her lap, palms up, like she's waiting for something to fall into them.

"Rory, I'm sorry I hurt you. I hurt you, I know I did. And I'm sorry. For all of it. I'd never do anything like that again. Leave you. Not call you. I'm not like that anymore," Jess says.  
_Can I apologize enough? To Lorelai and to Rory? Is this enough?  
I mean it._

He stands up and shoves his hands into his pockets again.  
_ Am I always doing that?_  
He puts his head down and looks at her through his eyelashes.

"I know you're different now, Jess," Rory says gently.  
_I trust you.  
I trust us.  
I trust this.  
It scares me, but I do._

"Logan called me. He was drunk and he called me. I wanted to tell you. I want to tell you everything," Rory says carefully.  
_It's so quiet up here.  
He looks beautiful. I wonder if he knows that._

"Did you talk to him?" Jess asks.  
_They were together when we weren't. He knows things about her that I don't._

"I talked to him for a second. He didn't want anything. He was just drunk and being silly..." Rory says.  
"Huh," Jess says.  
Rory reaches her hand out towards him.  
"Hey," she says.  
He doesn't say anything, just takes her hand.  
"No guy matters to me like you matter to me. They never have, really. It's just different with you and it always has been. When you came to Stars Hollow...that's when everything changed. I'd never really met anyone like you before. Confident and crazy-smart and funny and not afraid of things...you just don't have to worry about me...wanting anyone else," she says.  
She looks up at him and then looks away.  
_I can still feel you inside me. All over me. It's always been that way.  
Nothing's changed._

"Rory...I really missed you. Before...back then, when I left...and anytime we weren't together. You have no idea how much I missed you," Jess says.  
_How I couldn't fucking think about anything else. Or anyone else. Like I'd jump right out of my skin. Or die. Or disappear._

"I missed you. I missed you too," she says.  
_I didn't know what to do._

"I just wanna be with you," he says.  
"I wanna be with you, too," she says.  
They are standing up, holding hands. Just standing there.  
Just standing there like they were before. Back before they'd even kissed.  
Back before everything.  
Standing.

"We can get some food. Go back to my mom's. We can stay there tonight. She and Luke aren't coming back until tomorrow..." Rory says.  
"Okay...but," Jess says.  
"Yeah?" she says.  
"I have something for you," Jess says.  
"Oh?" she says, smiling.  
"It's down in the car. I'll go get it," he says.  
"Wait! Let me give you your scarf first!" she says, letting go of his hands and going into her bag for the grey scarf that was finally finished.  
She pulls it out and wraps it around his neck.  
"There. So you won't get cold," she says.  
"Thanks, Rory," he says, touching it.  
"You're welcome," she says.  
"Stay right here. I'll be right back," he says.

He opens the door and heads downstairs.  
Down the stairs and through the curtain.  
Into the diner and out of the diner door.  
Onto the street and around the corner to his car.  
He opens the door and goes in the backseat and grabs the package.  
_I'm nervous again._  
His tummy flips over.  
He touches the scarf again.  
No more rain.  
Just cool wind and grey.  
_I'm going to give this to her.  
Finally._


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

It is a box of letters. Letters Jess wrote to her, but never gave to her.  
He wrote the first one the first night they met.  
He signed it: _Love, Dodger._

There is one he wrote on the bus when he was leaving for California.  
When he knew he wouldn't be back.  
When he felt like a loser. Like he wasn't good enough for her.  
He signed it: _Love, I'm So So Sorry. I Don't Mean This._

There is the one he wrote after he called her the day she graduated from high school.  
When she said "I think I may have loved you."  
When he wasn't brave enough to say anything at all when he called.  
He signed it: _Love, You Think You Love Me but I Know I Love You._

There is one from the night of Sookie's wedding. When she kissed him by the water.  
When he kept the bracelet Dean made for her.  
The night she and Dean broke up.  
The first time he kissed Shane.  
The night he found out about Logan.  
The night she came to Philly.  
And more.  
Some from nights when they hadn't talked in months and months.  
There are lots of them.  
He'd saved them all.  
They are all in a box.  
He is giving them to her.  
He is giving her the box.

She is on Luke's couch.  
He hands her the box without saying anything.  
"This is pretty," Rory says, looking at the wrapping paper.  
"My buddy's sister wrapped it for me. She saw that I was having a ridiculous time with it," he says and smiles.  
"Any hints?" she asks.  
_I wonder what it is._  
"Nope. You just gotta dive in," he says.  
_Careful, Rory. My heart is in that box.  
Geez, that's cheesy. And also, true._

Rory unties the fat, slick silver ribbon and tears at the paper.  
A brown box.  
She lifts the lid.  
_What is this?_  
"What is this?" she says aloud.  
Jess sits down next to her and shrugs.  
"I don't know," he says.

She takes out the first piece of paper and begins reading.  
_Dear Rory, You don't know anything about me, but tonight you asked me if you looked trustworthy. You do, by the way. I guess I'm not trustworthy, because I stole your book. I was just being a punk but I really did want to write some stuff in the margins for you. I've never met anyone I could talk to about books before. I think I got a little excited. I'll probably never give you this letter. I don't even know why I'm writing it. Probably because I'm bored. And because you're cute. And because I'm up here in my uncle's apartment with no one to talk to and you're the only person in this town that I know. Or want to know. But you probably have boyfriend. I don't know. Also, I don't care. Love, Dodger._  
"You really wrote this? That night?" Rory asks, her voice breaking.  
"I really did. All of them, actually. I wrote you all of these. But I never gave them to you," Jess says.  
"Are you serious?" she says, flipping through them all. Not reading them, but just touching them...to make sure they're real.  
Jess nods.  
"Jess," she says.  
He doesn't say anything.  
"I don't know what to say," she says.  
"You don't have to say anything," he says.  
She puts her hand to her heart.  
"I just wanna sit here and read them all," she says.  
_I can't stand this. This is too much. I can't believe this. All of this? For me?_  
"You should. Here," Jess says.  
He heads over to the fridge and takes out a Coke and he goes into her bag and pulls out a half-eaten candy bar. He knew she'd have one in there because she always has one in there.  
He puts the Coke and the candy bar on the table in front of her.  
"I'm gonna go for a walk. Here are your provisions. Read them. And I'll be back, okay?" he says, kissing her.  
"Are you serious?" she says again.  
"Yes," he says.  
He turns to look at her one more time.  
And then he's gone.

_Dear Rory, I told you I love you. And then I ran away. I'm sorry. I'd never said that to a girl before. Never wanted to. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to sit around just to hear you not say it back to me. I do love you. You have no idea. I feel like I can't be near you if I can't be with you. It's immature. It's selfish. It's stupid? I don't know. I just know. And I'm sorry. Love, Jess.  
_  
_ Dear Rory, You just called me. I told you I was glad you called. I still don't like The Fountainhead but I'm reading it because you like it. Your bracelet fell off and I put it in my pocket. I just want to have it because it's yours. Is that weird? I don't know if it's weird. I'm not creepy. I just really really like you. I'm sure you know that already. I've never liked anyone as much as I like you. That might sound crazy, but it's true. Love, Dodger. (again, I guess.)_

_Dear Rory..._

Rory reads them. She can't stop reading. Some of them are sad. He wrote about his dad not wanting him around. _He doesn't want me here. I don't have anywhere to go. No one wants me anywhere and I can't even feel it anymore. It doesn't even hurt anymore. But I do miss you. I don't miss anything else, just you. _That one sorta takes Rory's breath away and she puts it face down at the bottom of the box. Mostly, they are romantic and sweet and if there was ever any doubt in her mind about him...about his feelings for her. Or his feelings for her back then. Anytime. Anything. Those doubts are gone. And it feels like something has lifted away inside of her.

_Jess. Jess.__  
Come back.  
Where'd you go?_


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

And now, the sun is out in Stars Hollow. Jess is slowly walking towards the gazebo with a book in the backpocket of his jeans; Ham on Rye by Charles Bukowski. It was the first book he grabbed out of his car.  
_I'll read this again. This'll give me something to do.  
While I wait.  
And wait.  
She's reading all of the letters right now.  
Now she knows.  
Now she knows all of it._

Rory is still reading them, on Luke's couch.

There's the one from the night of the car accident.  
_ Dear Rory, I loved tonight. The only thing I'd change is that I wish I'd gotten hurt instead of you. But if I'm being honest, I'm glad something happened to us together. Does that make sense? It was just you and me and no one else was there. I don't know. It's hard to explain, but I'm just glad I have something like that to share with you. It sounds stupid, I know. I went to the bridge. Luke came. I'm going to leave Stars Hollow now. I know everyone will be stoked to have me out of the picture. You're the only one I will miss. That may sound stupid too, but fuck it...it's true. Love, I'm Sorry._

The night he met Shane.  
_ Dear Rory, there's this girl. She's all over me. She's nice enough. I don't not like her. She fine to hangout with. Especially this summer and you're not here. You're in DC. I'm back here in Stars Hollow listening to my life tick away. If there is another Earth where everyone has an opposite twin? Shane would be yours. But I'm lonely. And bored. And sometimes when I'm kissing her, I can't hear the clocks. I don't know what else to say. I think I'm mad at you? For not calling? Or writing? I don't know how I feel. I'm hurt. I'll try to figure out what I mean. Jess._

Her tummy is in knots. She can't even eat the rest of her candy bar. She picks it up and puts it to her mouth, but puts it back on the table.

_ Dear Rory, shit. I don't even know where to start. I'm pissed off. And I hate your punk ass boyfriend. I hate even saying he's your boyfriend because that sounds ridiculous to me. I'm not even going to write his name because I don't care about him. I care about you. I really care about you. The word 'love' complicates things. I'm not going to write that either, because I don't want to make this complicated. Dropping out of Yale is fucking stupid and you know it. So just go back. That's all there is to it. I hate fighting with you. It felt like we were fighting tonight. I wish we could've gone to dinner, just the two of us. But whatever. It is what it is. Jess._

She remembers that night. How Jess told her Happy Birthday. How she was surprised that Jess and Logan didn't go outside and fight and fall in the bushes like little boys. In a weird way, she was really proud of Jess for that. He was grown up. Different.

_ Jess.  
Where'd you go?  
Come back._

Jess takes a seat on one of the benches in the square.  
_This is basically like sitting on a stage. Everyone can see me.  
Do I care? I don't care. It's okay._  
He thinks about the sex in Luke's apartment.  
He opens his book and sees a blur of words and sentences.  
Underlined passages and notes in the margin.  
He thinks about the sex in Luke's apartment.  
Sex with Rory.  
He runs his hands through his hair and wipes his hands on his jeans.  
He looks in his pockets for cigarettes.  
_None._  
His tummy is in knots. He can't read.  
_I'm still hungry. I never got anything to eat.  
_ _Water. That's what I want._  
He needs to do something with his hands.  
He takes the pen from his pocket and flicks it back and forth in between his fingers.  
He makes a point of not making eye contact with anyone.  
_I don't feel like talking to anyone else.  
Not right now.  
I hate feeling like this. Exposed.  
But I'm not gonna run away.  
Or shut down.  
Don't shut down.  
I have to do this.  
I want to do this.  
And she will come and find me.  
Won't she?  
She will._

::  
_ Dear Rory, I really don't know why I'm saving these. I'm way too embarrassed to ever give them to you. I think they sound pathetic and desperate. I wrote so many of them when I was in high school. They sorta make me cringe. But mostly because now I know you don't love me. Or at least...I don't think you do. I've never really asked. We haven't talked about it. But you came to Philly tonight and we kissed and you told me you loved him. So fuck it. I guess that ends the back and forth. But you always kiss me when you have a boyfriend. Always. Actually, you've kissed me every time you've had another boyfriend. So what does that mean? Why do you do that? And I told you that you could tell him that we did something...if it makes you feel better. And you can. Tell him we fucked in the bathroom upstairs while there were fifty people down in the gallery. I'd make love to you whenever you wanted, wherever you wanted, however you wanted. Do you know that? Tell him I went down on you while you read aloud to me. Maybe a Kerouac haiku?_

_The low yellow  
moon above the  
Quiet lamplit house._

_Nightfall,  
too dark to read the page  
too cold._

_Snap your finger  
stop the world -  
rain falls harder._

_And then you'd close your eyes and drop the book and say my name.  
Tell him that, too.  
Jess.  
_

_  
_Jess squints in the orange September sunlight and sees Rory walking towards him.  
He stands up quickly because it feels like the right thing to do.  
_How long has it been? Did she read them all? What is today? I can't remember.  
_  
"Hey." _  
_


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

"Hey."  
"Jess. Go to my mom's. You know where the key is. I'm not finished reading them. The letters. But I want you to go to my mom's so I know where you are. And order a pizza or whatever, so you can have food. But I can't sit up there and read these letters and not know where you are. I need you to go to one place and stay there. So I can find you. I had to come down here and tell you that..." Rory says.  
"Okay," he says softly.  
"I'm scared you're gonna leave. I just...I love the letters. I love them. I can't tell you how much they mean to me...being able to read them like that. But they scare me because I know how you are and you feel all exposed and vulnerable and I'm scared you'll run away. I'm scared you'll leave," she says.  
"Okay," he says softly again.  
_I won't leave. You gotta believe me. I'm not leaving. It's different now. I'm different.  
Jess, Don't Leave._

He puts the book in his back pocket.  
He reaches out to touch the sleeve of her shirt, soft stripes edging a bit past her wrists.  
He takes her face in his hands.  
They kiss and he is walking away.  
_Okay.  
Okay._  
"Jess?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Thank you," she says.  
"For what?" he says.  
"I don't know. Just. For this. Us. All of it," she says.  
"I feel like I should be the one thanking you" he says.  
"I'll see you in just a bit, okay? Stay there. Don't leave," she says.  
"I'm not going anywhere," he says.  
"You promise?"  
"I promise. I more than promise," he says.  
"Okay."  
"Okay."  
_What day is this?  
Is it fair to be this happy?  
Is this what it feels like?  
Is this God?_

Jess gets to the Gilmore house. He could get there with his eyes closed.  
_The key, the key. It's in the turtle? It's a turtle, right? A frog?  
No. It's a turtle._  
He finds the key and lets himself in.  
He goes straight to Rory's bedroom and sees her old CD player on the floor and pushes play.  
_What's in here? What was she listening to?  
The Kinks._ _Excellent._  
He lies back on her bed and closes his eyes.

There are letters and letters and letters. Some are written on plain paper. Some are written on brown paper bags, pages ripped from magazines, receipts. They are everywhere. And Rory is back at Luke's now, reading them.  
She already has parts of them memorized.  
_How? I don't know. _  
As she reads them, she feels like they becoming part of her. Like they are inside of her. Like she's eating them.  
_Watermarks._  
As if you'd be able to see them and read them if you held her up in the right light; the words suddenly appearing on the palms of her hand. The back of her neck if she held her hair up.

_Dear Rory, it took me foreverrrrr to ask you why you came here. Why you skipped school to come to NYC to see me. And to be honest, I wanted to kiss you. There were so many times I thought I would. But I don't want to unless you want to._

_Dear Rory, I lied to you again. It was a swan. But look at how fucking stupid that sounds._

_Dear Rory, we fight a lot. Why? I don't want to fight with you. But I'm mad at you. You're mad at me. I'm jealous. You're jealous. I don't know what to do. I both love and hate seeing you around here all the time. In the diner, on the sidewalk, wherever. I can't get away from you._

_Dear Rory, today I told Luke that the girls I care about don't give a damn about me. But I didn't mean girls. I meant girl. And I meant you. And I said it and somewhere inside, I feel like it's true. But I don't want it to be true. I don't want it to be true. I don't know. I don't know anything. I spend most of my time feeling like a fuck up.  
_  
_Dear Rory, I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. You can._

_Rory Rory Rory. I am drunk. Actually, I smoked a joint too. I'm both. Fuck it. I can't let you disappear out my life. You're the one thing that actually means something to me. Why am I so fucked up. What's wrong with me._

_Dear Rory, I could fall in love with another girl. But I don't want to. So I don't let it happen. It's sometimes hard. Sometimes not. But how long can I turn down love?_

_Dear Rory, tomorrow I am getting in the car and heading to Stars Hollow. I feel. Well, I don't have the time to write down everything I feel. I need to head to work. I haven't eaten breakfast. What I mean is that it would take me a really long time to write down all that I feel right now. But I'm going to Stars Hollow and you're meeting me there and we're gonna do this. I'm going to give you this box of letters. I can't wait to see you and kiss you and smell your hair. I want to work something out. Some way we can be together more than we are now. I'm putting my guts out there and telling you that I want to be with you. Live with you. Marry you. Whatever. All I care about is that we don't leave each other and hurt each other like we have before. I don't know how to say it any other way. Love, Jess._

_ I'll put them back and go to him.  
I feel like we have so much to talk about.  
We have to figure out how to make this forever.  
Can we make this forever?  
It'll only work if it's forever.  
I don't know what else to do.  
But nothing else matters._

She collects her things, puts the letters back into the box. Puts the unopened Coke back into Luke's fridge. She stops for a moment and stands by the bed. She gently tugs at her bottom lip and then lets her fingers stay there.  
_Sex with Jess Mariano. __(Amazing) Sex with Jess Mariano. __ Fucking Jess Mariano.  
Maybe that should be the title of my memoir?_  
She laughs out loud in an empty apartment.  
_It was so good. It was perfect.  
He pulled my hair. How'd he know to do that?  
All of it.  
Everything, all of this._

Jess isn't sleeping. But his eyes are closed and he's listening to music and he's lying there.  
Quiet.  
_The verbal thing comes and goes._  
He smiles in an empty house.  
The song?  
_This time tomorrow, where will we be?  
On a spaceship somewhere, sailing across any empty sea.  
This time tomorrow, this time tomorrow._  
He can't help but to make the connection.  
The lyrics. His life.  
_This time tomorrow, where will we be? _

He hears Rory come in and she softly says his name.  
"I wanna talk about all of this," she says.  
_How long has it been?_  
"Oh. Okay," he says.  
_Breathe. Okay._  
"Wait. Did you order pizza?" she asks.  
"Shame on me," he says, shaking his head.

"First, pizza. Then, talk," she says, reaching for the phone.  
_I love your smile._  
Jess takes his jacket off and watches her dial._  
All of this._  
She says Thank You and hangs up.

"First things first," she says plainly, tossing her bag to the floor.  
"Okay," he says, brushing his hair from his forehead.  
_What is it?_


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

"Tell me how to love you," Rory begins.  
"What?" Jess says back, brushing the hair off of his forehead, again.  
_I love it when he does that. But. Okay._  
"I don't know what to do with you," she says.  
_You. Us. This._  
"The letters?"  
"Yes. The letters. You wrote those letters, but when you wrote them...you weren't acting like that. Your letters say one thing and you were acting another way. It's confusing. I'm confused," she says, carefully concentrating on her breath so she won't lose it.  
"Okay," he says gently. He's seen her like this before. Pink-cheeked and rambly. He knows not to interrupt.  
"You were in California writing me love letters and you didn't even call me! You didn't even tell me you were leaving!" she says, losing her breath.  
_Dammit. I wasn't mad when I started talking. Why am I so mad?_  
Jess doesn't say anything. He leans over to turn the CD player off. He tugs at the knees of his jeans and doesn't look up.  
"Well?" she says.  
_Jess?_  
"I need you to not expect the worst from me. I need you to assume that what I tell you is true. That when I share my feelings with you? It's because they're real. And it's because I want to," he says.  
"I don't want to fight. I'm sorry it came out like that. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I don't know ... guess I'm mad because if you'd told me those things back then...if you'd come back to Stars Hollow back then...if you hadn't run away after you told me you loved me...if I'd gone with you that night you came to Yale and asked me to...we'd be together now and we wouldn't be even talking about this. We wouldn't. I don't know what to do with you..."  
_I don't know what to do with you.  
I don't know what to do you, either._  
"Jess..."  
_I could barely look at you on that bus. What a fuck up. Again. I couldn't tell you that. I didn't wanna see your bright blue eyes looking back at me. I didn't.  
And those shitty lonely nights when I'd go to the beach by myself and smoke and read and try to figure out a way. A way to make it not all my fault. But it was. Nobody's fault but my own. I didn't know where to go. Where do you go when you don't know whether anyone wants you to be anywhere? Rory, you have a family. You have this whole town. I don't. I didn't want to catch you up in all of that. That net. That inescapable nothing. When everything is just pavement and sky and fog and you don't even care anymore. But I always cared about you. And I love you by loving you. That's how I love you. By loving you forever. I'll prove it. Let me show you. Please let me.  
I thought of everything. Maybe I should go overseas. I could start a band and change my name. Write books and books and books and never let anyone read them. Keep them in a stack next to my bed.  
I didn't do any of that stuff.  
I always came back.  
I always came back for you.  
I'll prove it.  
Let me show you.  
Please let me._  
"Those letters? That's the real me. That's all I can say, Rory. Regardless of what you think and what I've done...those fucking letters? My books? That shit? That's me. That's my heart. That's how I feel. I'm not that good at this," he says pointing back and forth at the empty space between then, "but I'm good at that. I'm really fucking good at that. Okay?" he says.  
He stands up and walks away from the bed and looks out the window.  
"You _are _good at that," Rory agrees. She wants to reach out and touch his elbow. His arm. His back, shoulderblades, the back of his neck, the back of his head, his hair, his face.  
"I don't really wanna go back and relive all of that stuff," he says.  
"I don't either," she says.  
_I don't. We don't need to. There are things we never need to say. There are things you don't need to tell me, because I already know._  
"Okay. But I mean, I will. I'll tell you anything you need to know. I'm not hiding anything from you, Rory. That's why I'm here. That's why I came here," he says, turning away from the window.  
"I'm glad you came here. I'm glad you're my boyfriend again. I mean, you feel like more than my boyfriend...but you know what I mean. I'm glad we have this again," she says.  
_He looks so sad.  
Are you sad?  
Do I make you sad?  
I don't want to make you sad.  
Do I look sad?  
I'm not sad.  
I'm okay.  
I am._  
She reaches out to touch his cheek and he leans toward her hand and closes his eyes.  
"Sad boy," she says softly.  
"I'm not. You have no idea how happy I am right now," he says softly.  
_I don't want anything else.  
This is what I want._  
They kiss and touch foreheads and breathe and then, the pizza comes.  
They sit on the couch and eat pizza and watch trashy cable television.  
After a bit, Jess starts kissing her neck.  
"I have an idea," he says.  
"Oh you do?" she says.  
"Yeah," he says.

Now there's nothing but the blue light of the television and the light of the one lamp.  
_This._  
Rory takes the remote and clicks the television off.  
Jess reaches over to turn off the lamp.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

Jess is putting his shirt back on again.  
First it was the couch and then not so long after, it was her bedroom. Her bed.  
_Maybe I shouldn't even bother with putting my shirt back on?  
We've got a lot of catching up to do._  
"Why didn't we have sex?" Rory says to his reflection in the dresser mirror.  
"We just did," he says.  
"Shutup. I mean before this," she smiles and smooths her hair.  
"In the living room? Or earlier at Luke's? That wasn't enough? Geez, Rory..." he says, smiling crookedly into the mirror, then looking down to refasten his belt.  
She turns around.  
"This. This is my withering stare. Quit it. You know what I mean," she says, stepping forward to punch him, not so lightly.  
"Ow," he says, rubbing his arm.  
_ Because you were too good for me. That's why._  
"It wasn't like that, really. You know? Don't you agree?" he says, sitting back on her bed.  
"Yeah, I guess," she says.  
_I wanted to._  
"But you'd had sex with girls before. But not me," she says.  
_Because you were too good for me. That's why._  
"I liked you too much," he says.  
She tilts her head to get a better look at him.  
"I did," he says, shrugging his shoulders.  
"And now you don't like me at all..." she teases, plopping on the bed.  
"That's it," he nods his head. Exaggerated. He puts his hand on her knee.  
_Warm. _  
"You're got me all figured out," he says.  
"I do," she says.  
_I know what._  
"Hey. Doose's is still open, right? Forgive me. It's been awhile," he says, holding his hands up in surrender.  
"For abouuuut, ten more minutes. Why?"  
"I gotta run and get something. Hang tight. I'll be back," he says, hopping up.  
"Get what?" she says.  
"Something," he says back, quickly kissing her forehead.  
Footsteps and the back door opens and closes. Footsteps on the porch and she looks out the window to see his familiar gait going down the driveway. Across the road towards town.

_ I even love how he walks.  
Something. What's something? Everything is so surprise-y with him today.  
Email. I'll check my email._

She gets her laptop out of her bag and plugs it in and waits.  
_ I love my bedroom._  
She looks around at her stuff.  
Gets up to look at some of her books.  
_I wonder what he's getting.  
I wonder if we'll get married.  
I wonder what Mom and Luke'll say.  
Gilmore-Mariano.  
Mmm pizza._  
She goes out to the living room to find the leftover pizza on the coffee table.  
She sits cross-legged on the couch and bites into a piece.  
What's he getting? Candy? I hope it's candy. I wonder if it's candy.  
_Jess._

At Doose's, Jess sees the sunflowers and snatches them up.  
_Kit Kats. I should get Kit Kats. She loves those._  
He goes to the candy aisle.  
"Young man, we are closing very soon, are you ready?" Taylor's voice booms from behind him.  
"Relax, Taylor...I'm done," Jess says.  
"Jess? Long time no see," Taylor says.  
_Geez, that's almost a smile. Watch it, Taylor._  
"Just these two and I'll be on my way," he says.  
"Are these for Rory?" Taylor says.  
"They are," Jess says.  
"Excellent choices. Y'know, flowers and chocolates can be so overdone...but you can't really go wrong," Taylor says.  
Jess nods.  
_Sure._  
Taylor rings him up. Jess pays.  
"Thanks," Jess says, producing a half-smile.  
"Y'know, I don't think I've ever seen you smile before, Jess. Well, sure...you'd smirk when you were up to no good, but well...you know what I mean," Taylor says.  
"I know what you mean. Yeah," Jess says.  
"Welcome back to Stars Hollow," Taylor says, following Jess to the door so he can lock up.  
"Well. Thanks," Jess says.  
Taylor waves.  
Jess waves back quickly.  
_It's safe. No one saw. _

_No good emails. Blah blah blah._  
Rory logs in and begins the _New York Times_ crossword puzzle.  
She takes one more look out of the window and sees Jess walking back up the driveway, carrying a bouquet of sunflowers.  
_Aw. Good boy. Amazing boy. Sweet and precious adorable boy._

Jess comes in and hands them to her.  
And the Kit Kats.  
"Aw, Jess. That's so sweet," Rory says.  
"Well, you're my favorite girl," he says.  
"I am?" she says.  
"You are," he says.  
"Want some?" she asks, holding the candy out for him.  
He takes it without saying anything.  
_ But._  
"Hey," he begins.  
She's at the sink now, filling up a big glass jar with water for the flowers.  
_Whew. Okay._  
His tummy flips once and then again.  
_I love that sound. And watching the water._  
He walks to stand next to her at the sink.  
"I love being here with you," he says.  
"I love it too. I'm so glad you're here," she says.  
_Move in with me.  
Let's get married.  
Get pregnant. We could say it was on accident.  
I want to smoke.  
Maybe I shouldn't?  
I want to.  
You fucked me three times and I would've done anything for just once.  
A kingdom for just a kiss.  
Kiss me. Again._

He doesn't say anything.  
But he does go back to the table to get the sunflowers wrapped in brown paper.  
He does slip them into the jar of water and put them in the middle of the kitchen table.

Rory and Jess stand there just looking at each other.  
Like something would crack and break if they spoke.  
Like the trees would fall and the night sky would open up and the stars would go out.  
_ Am I holding my breath?  
Why am I holding my breath?  
_


	10. Chapter 10

**thanks so so much for yr sweet and kind comments. they're inspiring! this is the end of this story. but i have lots more in my pocket. and i can't wait to write them. :)**

**CHAPTER TEN**

"Hey, Rory," Jess says after what seems like forever.  
She doesn't say anything.  
"I wanna ask you something," he says.  
_Wanna ask me what?  
What?  
I wonder._

"Well, let me say something first," he says. He puts the palms of his hands flat on the table. Like he's pressing them into cement. Like it matters. Like the imprints will last forever.

"I'm glad you came to Philly. I'm glad you came because I was too chicken shit to come looking for you. I couldn't stand the thought of you telling me No. Or finding out you were married or engaged or I don't know. I just couldn't deal with that. It was better not to know," he says.  
Rory tucks her hair behind both ears and crosses her arms and then, uncrosses them.  
_I'll sit down._  
She sits across from him, rests her chin on her hand.  
_I love the shape of your eyes._

"Luke never really told me anything about you. He sorta knew not to even mention your name to me. I couldn't stand to hear it. It hurt to hear it," he says.  
_Did you know that?_  
"I was the same way with you," Rory admits.  
_Did you know that?_  
"And so I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not looking to feel that way again. And I'm not saying you or I can guarantee that this is forever. We can't promise that. But I do know that I'm okay with that. I'm okay with forever. I'm more than okay with it. Actually it's lame that I said Okay because what I mean is that's what I want. But we can't promise that," he says.

"I know," she says, she nods slowly and looks at him and then, away.  
_But we could try to promise that._  
_Could we?_  
"Jess..." she begins.  
"But I'm not going anywhere. This is it for me," he says. He nods.  
_What can I do with my hands?_  
He reaches out to touch the glass jar of water that holds the sunflowers. He presses his fingertips against the glass then wraps his whole hand around it.  
"I'm not going anywhere either," she echoes.

_I want to marry you but I can't tell you that. I don't want you to think I'm being ridiculous.  
Married.  
I'm not going to say that aloud.  
But._

"Oh," he begins.  
_A question. You said you had a question._  
"Hey. Is it okay to give you this?" he asks, sliding her a small plain white envelope.  
It slips across the table, into her waiting hand.  
_There is something inside.  
What is it?_

She opens it.  
_A key._  
"A key? To your place?" she asks.  
"Yes. Yes, it is," he says.  
"Really? Seriously? I mean, this is big. This is special. Jess," she says, feeling its weight in her hand; a tiny jagged anchor.  
"So come by. Whenever you're close. Or not close. I don't care. I fully expect and hope to walk in when I get home from work some days and see you in my apartment," he admits.  
_Will you do that? That would be fucking perfect, you doing that._  
"This is really awesome. All of this. Being here, being there, being anywhere with you. I sorta can't believe it. I mean, I wanted it. I wished for it. But...I sorta still can't believe it," she says.  
He doesn't say anything.  
He doesn't have to.

Outside, crickets and a new moon.  
Inside, quiet breaths and the house softly creaks and settles.

The morning he's getting ready to head back to Philly, his Honda is parked in the Gilmore driveway and Rory is standing there with her hands in her back pockets.  
_Why am I crying?_  
"Hey. Two weeks. My place in two weeks, it's a date. We'll count the days," Jess says.  
"And I'll call you tonight," she says.  
"You better," he says.  
"And we'll be back here in Stars Hollow again for Thanksgiving. And Christmas," she says.  
"Wouldn't miss it," he says.  
_I wouldn't.  
Why do I feel like crying?  
Because I already miss you._

"I love you, Rory," he says after they kiss. Again.  
"I love you, too," she says after they hug. Again.

As he drives out of town, he looks over at the diner and waves to Luke.  
Luke smiles and waves.

_I'll be back soon. Couple of months.  
Maybe I'll ask her then?_

He's on the highway now and the window is down just enough.  
He smokes one cigarette.  
_One._

His eyes are nearly welling again.  
He can't wait to get back home. To write.  
_Golden, pulsing September.  
The black-haired punk who bruised the road._  
He can't wait for Rory to come back to Philly. To stay at his place and sleep in his bed.  
_It's okay to want forever.  
Right?  
It is.  
It's okay._

The tears finally fall, but he is not sad.  
Not at all.  
He lets out his breath.  
Like he's been holding it for a week.

And he says Okay aloud.  
To no one, to nothing.  
The window wind is cool on his eyelashes, his face.

_Good.  
I can breathe now._

Rory is in her old bedroom packing up her things and goes over to the box of letters.  
She reaches in and grabs one.  
Randomly.  
She doesn't know when he wrote it.  
She sits on her bed and reads it again.

_Dear Rory, it is raining tonight. A steady, constant rain that almost feels like it's coming from both sides, earth and sky. Did you know that I think about you whenever I'm sad? I think about how you make me feel and how you're a light. I never really believed in God until I met you. I wish you were here with me tonight. You'd love this. This city and the tree-lined streets and the music. I never really prayed until I met you. I wish you were here with me tonight. You'd love this. The blurry lights and the rain and this coffee. Fuck, I miss you, Rory. You don't even know. I just think and hope that one day we'll figure all of this out. And when we do.  
_  
Rory folds it and puts it back in the box.  
She grabs her cellphone and calls Jess.  
"Hey," he says, driving and driving towards Philly.  
"Hey," she says, zipping up her suitcase.

_ Good.  
I can breathe now._


End file.
